Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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