If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Randomize
