i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16