once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
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I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
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His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...