i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
you had me at cake vodka
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.