Are you guys doing anything tonight?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet