remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
