So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
