but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
