LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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