worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
