In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Even my vagina gasped.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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