I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
