I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
