she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
