New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i will never coherently bang her
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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