Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
