My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
