She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
