it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Dignity is for republicans.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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