You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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