in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
