she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
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