Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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