i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
