I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
