I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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