My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
