the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
