well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
