so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
