dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
