UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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