I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
