about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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