you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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