first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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