We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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