the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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