wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
