I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
