I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
