i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
