I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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