Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
