someone owes me an orgasm
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
