3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm too high and old for this...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
