After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
