Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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