Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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