Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
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I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
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it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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