thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
