Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
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Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize