Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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