Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
