Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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