There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Randomize
