Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Let's get the cat blown out
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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