look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
