her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
