she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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