I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
