Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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