Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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