he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
