It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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