Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
