Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize