I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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