I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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