Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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