I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy