okay pat passed out under dana's car
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
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Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
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What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.