I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂