ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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