I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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