Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
someone owes me an orgasm
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
