thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
there's paper in my vomit.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
